I’m coaching a new client who is in her fifties.
So much of what’s limiting her right now in her life is due to the shame and emptiness she felt as a young child.
She was often told she was lazy. And although she shared that her parents were loving people, she never heard them say, “I love you“ and she didn’t remember them expressing love for her in any other way.
As a result, she can never relax or enjoy her life. Her worth is tied up in her accomplishments. And nothing is ever enough. In addition, she is always seeking the approval and love of others which, of course, leaves her vulnerable to other people’s moods, whims, or judgements.
The negative messaging we hear and the way we internalize those messages carries with us until we consciously reflect and do the inner work to heal and release our past conditioning, until we learn a new way of being in the world.
It’s never too late to unravel and release the bonds of the past so you are free to create your life from your deepest truth instead of from the limitations of your childhood, your life experiences, or previous generations.
As I share in my new book, ‘More Than Enough’:
Our ‘not good enough self’ is born through a series of different events in our life.
Maybe as a child, somebody said something shameful or hurtful to you and ultimately, without consciously knowing it you made it mean something about you. It’s highly possible that you are still carrying this negative belief and limitation with you to this very day.
Maybe as a kid, your Dad dismissed your needs. You made it mean that you’re not worthy of attention. Now, as an adult, you continue this neglect by ignoring what you need and putting other people first.
Or maybe at some point in your life, someone snapped at you when you spoke up and shared your thoughts. The embarrassment you felt in that moment has stayed with you ever since. You made it mean that it’s not safe to express yourself. And as a result, throughout your life, you hold onto your ideas instead of sharing them.
Or your sister continually criticized you, telling you how stupid you were. You internalized this as, “I will never measure up.” As a result, you shy away from trying new things.
Identifying the messages you received as a child is crucial to understanding why you are the way you are. It will give you insight into how your ‘not good enough’ self has developed over the years and will help you understand how you’ve become who you are today.
In addition, it will direct you towards what you need to embrace or let go of, so ultimately you are no longer directed by this wounded part of you, and instead of feeling less than, you will feel amazing about who you are.
The exercise at the end of this chapter will help you to determine the negative messaging you internalized throughout your life. It may have been sometime during your childhood, possibly playing in your neighborhood, trying to get attention at home, or fitting in to a clique’ at school. Or it could have occurred later in life.
As you spend time writing down the negative messages you heard and internalized, you will gain insight into how your ‘not good enough self’ has developed over the years. But more importantly, it will connect you intimately to the voice of this part of you so that when you hear the expression of your ‘not good enough self’ echoing over and over again in your mind, you will know exactly what’s happening and what to do.
You will recognize that you are in a moment of choice. You can either unconsciously let it direct your life without realizing how much damage this part of you is doing to your self esteem or you can choose to spend time honoring the pain of this part of you by recognizing what’s happening and having compassion for yourself instead. This is the key to freedom.
This is the key to freedom.
Start your journey by pre-ordering “More Than Enough”: a guide to finally feeling good enough, smart enough, talented enough, courageous enough, or whatever ‘not enough’ you continually judge yourself for, so you can free yourself from the constant inner criticism, become who you’re meant to be, live your best life, and enjoy the journey, along the way.
As my thank you for ordering, I am gifting an autographed copy of my best-selling book, Clarity. Clarity has been featured on 7 TV shows, 30 radio shows, and in many publications and was a #1 new release on Amazon. You will also receive exclusive full chapter excerpts from More Than Enough over the next few months.
Thank you for joining me for this empowering journey! Love,
I’m inspired by Diane’s ability to profoundly and intuitively connect people to the root of their unhappiness. With Altomare’s revolutionary approach to living your life from the inside out, you can’t help but feel greater peace, happiness, and fulfillment.
I’ve been fortunate enough to work with Diane Altomare. Diane has always been someone that I could turn to to help me cope with the pressures of being on television everyday… from the constant criticism to those little voices in my head that told me I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough or funny enough… I know I am not alone in those feelings. She also helped me work through the guilt and pressures of being a working mom.
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Diane Altomare is a Master Certified Integrative life coach to thousands of people worldwide. She is often a featured guest on NBC, ABC7 News, more than 30 local and nationally syndicated radio shows, including CBS Radio and NPR and has contributed to many publications including Mind Body Green, AARP and the Chicago Tribune. For the past 20 years, as a beloved motivational speaker and workshop leader, she has helped thousands of people transform from a limiting past to an inspiring future. Known as “the coach with the authentic, gentle, & laser-focused approach,” she has a gift for nailing the deep truth behind any situation. She is the author of Clarity: 10 Proven Strategies to Transform Your Life, which jumped to the #1 New Release spot on Amazon in Emotional Self-Help.