Why You Don’t Feel Enough

So much of what’s limiting her right now in her life is due to the shame and emptiness she felt as a young child.

She was often told she was lazy. And although she shared that her parents were loving people, she never heard them say, “I love you“ and she didn’t remember them expressing love for her in any other way. 

As a result, she can never relax or enjoy her life. Her worth is tied up in her accomplishments. And nothing is ever enough. In addition, she is always seeking the approval and love of others which, of course, leaves her vulnerable to other people’s moods, whims, or judgements. 

The negative messaging we hear and the way we internalize those messages carries with us until we consciously reflect and do the inner work to heal and release our past conditioning, until we learn a new way of being in the world. 

It’s never too late to unravel and release the bonds of the past so you are free to create your life from your deepest truth instead of from the limitations of your childhood, your life experiences, or previous generations.

As I share in my new book, ‘More Than Enough’: 

Our ‘not good enough self’ is born through a series of different events in our life.

Maybe as a child, somebody said something shameful or hurtful to you and ultimately, without consciously knowing it you made it mean something about you. It’s highly possible that you are still carrying this negative belief and limitation with you to this very day.

Maybe as a kid, your Dad dismissed your needs. You made it mean that you’re not worthy of attention. Now, as an adult, you continue this neglect by ignoring what you need and putting other people first.

Or maybe at some point in your life, someone snapped at you when you spoke up and shared your thoughts. The embarrassment you felt in that moment has stayed with you ever since. You made it mean that it’s not safe to express yourself. And as a result, throughout your life, you hold onto your ideas instead of sharing them.

Or your sister continually criticized you, telling you how stupid you were. You internalized this as, “I will never measure up.” As a result, you shy away from trying new things.

Identifying the messages you received as a child is crucial to understanding why you are the way you are. It will give you insight into how your ‘not good enough’ self has developed over the years and will help you understand how you’ve become who you are today.

In addition, it will direct you towards what you need to embrace or let go of, so ultimately you are no longer directed by this wounded part of you, and instead of feeling less than, you will feel amazing about who you are.

The exercise at the end of this chapter will help you to determine the negative messaging you internalized throughout your life. It may have been sometime during your childhood, possibly playing in your neighborhood, trying to get attention at home, or fitting in to a clique’ at school. Or it could have occurred later in life.

As you spend time writing down the negative messages you heard and internalized, you will gain insight into how your ‘not good enough self’ has developed over the years. But more importantly, it will connect you intimately to the voice of this part of you so that when you hear the expression of your ‘not good enough self’ echoing over and over again in your mind, you will know exactly what’s happening and what to do. 

You will recognize that you are in a moment of choice. You can either unconsciously let it direct your life without realizing how much damage this part of you is doing to your self esteem or you can choose to spend time honoring the pain of this part of you by recognizing what’s happening and having compassion for yourself instead. This is the key to freedom.